“Allah is great and I’m late”

“Bismillah-Ir-Rahman-Ir-Raheem, Assalaam-o-Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu”

“Allah is great and I’m late”. 

                                        -Late Osama Bin Laden.

It’s been one year in heaven. Finally, I’m DEAD.  As dead as Fardeen Khan’s career. America took nearly 10 years to kill me. What a pity! ACP Pradyuman and his CID team would have done the job in merely an hour. 

Frankly, I don’t know how Al-Qaeda grew so big. It was supposed to be just a bunch of dudes, growing beard, fucking camels, misinterpreting the Quran, and killing innocent people for fun while shouting Jihad-Jihad. I started killing people just to make them realize how it feels when they slaughter innocent goats. You see, I’m an animal lover. That’s why I loved myself. 

Killing people is like playing Angry Birds. You start with killing one, and you end up when there is left none. It’s kinda addictive. 

I remember how I died last year. I was having a threesome with my maid and a baby camel when my 4th wife came down shouting that the guys from the land of Pamela Anderson have come to kill me. I immediately wore Hijab to hide my identity and continued screwing the maid whom I got imported from India on recommendation of Shiney Ahuja. So these white niggers aka US Navy Seals crashed in my room and started firing. In no time I was dead. I think they spotted me because of my beard which was dangling out from the Hijab. 

Hmmmm… What can I say!!! Shit Happens!

I was happy that finally I’ll get my share of 72 virgins. I used to tell my wife that one day I’ll die and fuck 72 virgins. On hearing this she used to get possessive and then she used to allow me to finger fuck Sheila. BTW, Sheila is the name of my camel.

"72 virgins were the reason that kept me going for so long"

So after dying, I took a rickshaw to heaven. On reaching heaven I saw Saddam Hussein standing outside heaven’s door to welcome me. I immediately kissed him on the lips. As I entered heaven’s door, I saw Michael Jackson chasing Narad muni’s son while doing the moonwalk. I even saw Mahatma Gandhi in the arms of a naked body-builder. 

I went ahead and saw a door which said ‘Virgins Villa’. Immediately I went inside. As I entered the door I was greeted by Silk Smitha. Suddenly lights went dim, soft music started playing and I got a feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night. But all my dreams got shattered  when those 72 virgins came and introduced themselves one after another. 

After meeting the so called virgins, I felt as if I wasted my life. Sigh! 

Heaven is just a misspelled HELL!!

In the end, I would like to say sorry to my Sikh brothers. Due to me they got their asses kicked on several occasions in America. I know I look a bit like Sikhs, but we are different. I respect them a lot. 

Got to go now. A new martyr has come and these heaven guys have asked me to be the "Virgin" for him.

Remind you I was NOT a SIKH.